.....Where my thoughts and Creativity flows free

Monday, September 27, 2010

My first Blog

I have been reading the forum on and most of the people have blogs at blogspot.  So I decided that since I am already on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, ICQ, and have multiple web pages I might as well give the blog a shot!  It's a busy time of year for me so I might not be able to have a ton of new and exciting stuff to post.  But I will try to post and share my projects.

I'm a mom first, a wife second.  But amidst all of the craziness in my life I can guarantee you one thing-- nothing for me is easy.  I have social anxiety disorder, panic disorder and mild OCD.  Anyone out there that has ever experienced anxiety will understand, those of you lucky enough to never have dealt with anxiety will not.  Doctors are not much help as many want to label you as depressed.  I can tell you that depression and anxiety may go hand in hand for some but that is not always the case.  I am not depressed, I do not suffer from depression but I have severe anxiety.  I know where my anxiety began, but that is a much longer story!  

Exercise and eating healthy help in the battle against anxiety.  Exercise releases natural chemicals in your body.  I always feel better and more empowered after exercise.  When I moved to Rhode Island I lost a huge part of my exercise routine.  In PA I was going to kickboxing at the Community Center 2-3 times a week and walking 5.5 miles 2-3 times a week along with swimming and taking care of my 4 kids and 4 kids that I babysat.

Keeping busy with the kids also helps with my anxiety.  However having kids definitely exasperated the part of my mind that WORRIES!!  I worry about everything and over analyze everything also.  For instance, a friend of mine died his senior year of high school in a motorcycle accident on my birthday.  At the time he died I had just given birth to my first child two months earlier.  Jimmy was supposed to come visit my husband and I the night he died and I had been upset he never showed up.  After seeing his death on the news the next morning I was extremely anxious over the situation.  I have 4 children and I live with the incredible fear that they could die before they graduated High School.  Irrational yes, but just one example of a very real fear I lived with.

I am a do it all type person/mom.  I honestly have a schedule that not many could keep up with.  In PA I had my 4 kids all in 2 sport/activities each, 2 of the 4 I babysat also in activities and since my husband at the time was only home about 4-6 days a month I did it all alone.  So imagine 2 boys in baseball and basketball, 2 girls in dance, gymnastics, baseball, all the laundry, the house cleaning the lawn mowing, yard work, grocery shopping, school meetings...  My kids were 6 months, 3 1/2 years, 6 1/2 years, 7 1/2 years when I started watching a 6 month old, 18 month old, 3 1/2 year old and a 6 year old.  I not only did this, I did it well. 

Being in Rhode Island now 10 years my life has not slowed down.  I traded babysitting for working at a career.  I miss being home with my children all day but I did what I had to do to keep a roof over their head.  I went from zero to hero and have worked hard to make them proud.  Our family moved and changed.  It was hard on everyone.  Crafting helps me with my anxiety, it gives me an outlet.  Accept what you cannot change and move on.